Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
