Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
