I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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