All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Alive.
So much puke
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
