I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
