i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
