Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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