like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
