So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
