maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
