i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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