I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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