STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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