Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
