sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
