her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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