dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
