He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
