there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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