were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
