Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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