is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
