so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
