I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
