Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
