i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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