Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
