just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
