What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
