I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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