I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
3 2 1 whiskey
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
