The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
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