It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
