thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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