You're my little dorito
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
