omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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