hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
