OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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