tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The air taste purple.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
