We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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