I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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