You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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