there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
