we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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