just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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