the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
