Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Sorry about my life...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
