I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
