How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Alive.
So much puke
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
