i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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