i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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