Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
