I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i will never coherently bang her
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
