All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
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i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
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The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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