dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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