Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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