i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i out mim tonsoeep
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
