Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
