Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
