I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
