you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
