i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
